


If you love me, let me go

by HootHoot



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I have another set of angst planned, I'm not sorry, I've only been angsting and I'm so sorry, M/M, There are two cats, Um implied homophobia but really light, i think people hate me now, there is like 10 percent angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:23:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6319954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HootHoot/pseuds/HootHoot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Iwa-chan, if you love me, let me go.”<br/>For once, Iwaizumi could not read Oikawa’s face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If you love me, let me go

**Author's Note:**

> If you listen to "This is Gospel" as you read it, or at least towards the end because that's what inspired the fanfic, bonus points to you.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGE381tbQa8 

“Iwa-chan, if you love me, let me go.”

For once, Iwaizumi could not read Oikawa’s face.

* * *

Oikawa had his head on Iwaizumi’s lap as he read a volleyball magazine. Iwaizumi was also supposed to be reading a magazine too, but he couldn’t help but to look at Oikawa’s stunningly long lashes, his chocolate curls, and the oh so kissable lips.

Iwaizumi had it _bad_.

Iwaizumi’s thoughts were broken when Oikawa pulled at Iwaizumi’s magazine.

“You know Iwa-chan, you can just kiss me instead of glaring a hole into my lips.” Oikawa said in a husky voice.

Iwaizumi jolted in surprise but before he can make any excuses, Oikawa kissed him.

 

* * *

The sunlight hit Iwaizumi’s face evenly and a gentle breeze played with his short hair. It was a ridiculously beautiful morning but Iwaizumi and Oikawa were just lazing around at the porch.

“You know Iwa-chan, it’s such a pity to waste this beautiful day and this beautiful face just lazing around, isn’t it?” Oikawa prompted with a smile, leaning closer to Iwaizumi.

“The weather’s the only beautiful thing here trashykawa.” Iwaizumi replied gruffly but leaned closer to Oikawa as well. Their shoulders were almost touching and Iwaizumi caught Oikawa’s stunningly delicious scent.

“Rude Iwa-chan!” Oikawa complained and pouted. “We should go on a date or something. A picnic would be nice.” Oikawa reached out and laced his fingers with Iwaizumi’s.

“Whatever.”

* * *

The last round of college acceptance letters were mailed out. Iwaizumi stared at the letter that came from his dream school. He knew he had to open it, but he was afraid. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was afraid of. Maybe it was the fear of not being accepted. Or just maybe, it was the fear of him getting _accepted_ …. to a different school than Oikawa was going. A deep frown was etched on his face.

“Iwa-chan-- if you frown so much, it’s going to get stuck.” Oikawa suddenly appeared and pressed a finger between Iwaizumi’s eyes.

“Trashykawa. I’m going to hurt you.” Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa’s finger and squeezed _hard_.

“Ow, ow! I’m on a sports scholarship! If you break my finger you break my life!” Oikawa whined and squished his face unattractively.

Except that to Iwaizumi, even that ugly face was… cute.

“Goddamn it.” Iwaizumi released Oikawa’s fingers and stared at the letter instead.

The silent stretched in the room.

“You know, you probably got accepted.” Oikawa broke the silence, and grabbed Iwaizumi’s hand to place it on the letter. “I mean, look at how thick that thing is. They don’t send rejection letters that thick.” Oikawa joked.

Iwaizumi grunted. He opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. “If I get accepted, you know we’re going to go to a different school.” Iwaizumi voiced his fears, careful not to let his voice shake.

Oikawa’s eyes widened and his face softened into a genuine smile. “I’ve been meaning to ask Iwa-chan...” Oikawa trailed off. “Do you want to get an apartment at Tokyo together? Even if we don’t go to the same school, it doesn’t mean that we have to be separated.” He held on to Iwaizumi’s hand reassuringly.

Iwaizumi opened the letter without any more hesitation.

* * *

“I’m going to skin you and wear it so that your friends and family will think I’m you!” A voice boomed.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa were watching a movie on the cream colored sofa at their living room. It was bad movie night and Oikawa did not disappoint Iwaizumi with his selection.

“Where do you even find this stuff.” Iwaizumi asked in disgust. Everything about this movie was awful. The script, the actors, the CG-- even the music. Seriously, how did the directors think that putting Flight of the Bumblebees in a chase scene was a good idea?

“The internet is a wondrous place Iwa-chan!” Oikawa cuddled deeper into Iwaizumi’s embrace.

“You’re gross and so is the internet.” Iwaizumi hugged Oikawa tighter.

Iwaizumi watched the rest of the movie in silence and horror.

“That was a good movie.” Oikawa stood up and stretched.

“That was almost as awful as you Oikawa.” Iwaizumi rubbed his eye as if that could erase the abuse that his eyes had to withstand.

“Rude!” Oikawa whined.

“Truth.” Iwaizumi replied dryly.

“Why you--” Oikawa jumped on Iwaizumi and pinned him down. “I know you love me you know-- you don’t need to be so mean!”

“Get off. You’re heavy.” Iwaizumi complained and tried to push Oikawa off.

Oikawa narrowed his eyes and leaned in to kiss Iwaizumi. His tongue prodded at Iwaizumi’s lips, asking for access. When he was done, he leaned back slightly to take a breath.

Iwaizumi was entirely scarlet now. Iwaizumi glared at Oikawa but didn’t say anything. Oikawa loved it when Iwaizumi looked like this.

A playful smirk graced Oikawa’s features as he dived into kiss Iwaizumi again. This time, the kiss lasted longer and was definitely deeper.

Somewhere along the way, Oikawa managed to get not only his pants off, but Iwaizumi’s off as well.

“Oikawa--” Iwaizumi gruffly trailed off, painting.

“You know we’re both ready.” Oikawa silenced Iwaizumi with a chaste kiss.

Iwaizumi didn’t need any more reassurance.

* * *

It was an awfully rainy day. It seemed like the sky had a hole in it, with all the rain that was pouring down. Oikawa was sitting at the table, with a mug of hot chocolate in his hands. He leaned onto the table and sighed, waiting for Iwaizumi to come home.

Iwaizumi opened the door with a bang. Oikawa jumped slightly but waved at Iwaizumi once he settled down.

Iwaizumi’s hair was dripping water, and his clothes were holding in so much water that they would have put a sponge in shame.

Oikawa raised his eyebrows and fetched a towel for Iwaizumi to use. “You know Iwa-chan, there are these great things called umbrellas that shield you from rain. You should try that sometime.”

Iwaizumi gave him a death glare and Iwaizumi’s chest started to shake uncontrollably.

“Holy mother of god what is that--” Oikawa took a step back with wide eyes. “Your chest in morphing. God Iwaizumi were you an alien all along???”

Iwaizumi smacked Oikawa in the arm. “Hate to burst your bubble, _nerd_ , but my chest is not morphing. I just found them in an abandoned cardboard box.” Iwaizumi opened up his coat to show two very wet kittens, mewling and clawing at Iwaizumi.

“Oh my sweet baby cow. I can’t believe it Iwa-chan you did it. You did the whole bad-boy-picks-up-kittens-in-the-rain cliche. I’m so proud of you.” Oikawa put on a shit-eating grin and ruffled Iwaizumi’s hair with a towel.

“Oikawa I will hurt you. Probably by stitching your mouth shut.” Iwaizumi growled, swatting Oikawa’s hands away.

“You like my face way too much to do that.” Oikawa scoffed and left the towel on Iwaizumi’s head. “Come in though. You should get a shower or something. I’ll dry these symbol of your cliche bad boy trope off while you get warm.”

Iwaizumi grumbled under his breath but listened to Oikawa. He handed the kittens to Oikawa and proceeded to go to their shared bathroom to take a nice, warm shower.

White Iwaizumi was at the shower, Oikawa dried off the kittens (who complained the whole time), and fixed another cup of hot chocolate for Iwaizumi.

Couple minutes later, the kittens were playing at the living room, and Iwaizumi came out of the shower wearing nothing but drawstring pants.

Oikawa definitely appreciated that.

“So, what are we going to do with them?” Oikawa asked Iwaizumi after handing a warm mug of hot chocolate to him.

“I dunno… We can take them to the shelter or something.” Iwaizumi shrugged and took sips from the hot chocolate. A content sigh escaped his lips.

Oikawa wrinkled his nose and stared at the kitten. “You do know that most of the shelters kill the animals after couple days right?”

Iwaizumi stilled and stared at Oikawa. “Well, what the hell can we do then?”

“You know, I’ve always wanted pets...” Oikawa trailed off.

“Oikawa, pets are big responsibility. Especially small ones.” Iwaizumi shook his head.

“Mom, I know you want to keep them too. You’re a fluffy teddy bear deep deep inside underneath your mean shell. Plus, we gotta finish your bad-boy-and-kitten trope anyway.” Oikawa playfully commented and called for the kittens to come.

The kittens, being cats, did not come.

“I do like them better now that they rejected you.” Iwaizumi nonchalantly commented.

“Mean Iwa-chan!”

* * *

“No mom-- it’s ok. No I don’t need you to set me up. And don’t send me another box of apples please. We had to throw a quite a bit away even after giving them to the neighbors. Yes, it’s really fine. No. Mom please--” Iwaizumi was on the phone with his mother. Iwaizumi still contacted his mother regularly (and his mother to him, frequently), even after college.

Oikawa stared at Iwaizumi from the couch, mindlessly playing with the now full grown cats, Zumi and Kawa. He was smiling, but someone like Iwaizumi who had a trained eye for reading Oikawa’s face knew that something was not quite right.

“Mom. I’m going to have to go now.” Iwaizumi cut his mother off. As much as he loved his mother, nothing really seemed to change in their conversations and it was always just questions about his relationship status, offers to send more food, how was Oikawa doing, and if Iwaizumi was in good health. With farewells that took a little longer than Iwaizumi preferred, Iwaizumi finally got to end the call.

There seemed to be some kind of invisible tension between Iwaizumi and Oikawa. There was technically nothing wrong. They had an amazing apartment, two adorable (if a bit mischievous) cats, an incredible sex life, and as much as the two bickered, they didn’t have a reason to have this kind of tension. Sure, they were in their late-twenties and they now had social pressure to get married, settle down, and have children, but Iwaizumi and Oikawa were different. They didn’t have to care about that kind of things. They were in love and it was all that mattered.

But the air was thick with tension.

It was always thick with tension after either of them spoke to their parents.

It wasn’t like this always. For the majority of their 20s, Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s conversations with their parents was mostly filled with “Iwaizumi-san please tell your son to stop bullying me” and “Oikawa-san is it too late to return Tooru back to you”. Casual bickering. Lighthearted jabs.

But as their twenties ticked away, sometime started to pop up in the conversation between the parents.

Marriage.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa never talked about it. They knew that the pressure was on, but they just never talked about it. What could they talk about anyway?

“Iwa-chan. We should probably talk.” Oikawa broke the thick silence and beckoned Iwaizumi to come sit next to him.

Apparently there was something to talk about.

“Uh… Yea sure.” Iwaizumi said with uncertainty, not really sure what could come from this. He had just ignored the issue and hoped that maybe his parents would eventually give up, but apparently Oikawa had different ideas.

“You know what we need to talk about.” Oikawa stated, as if making their sentiments official.

“I mean yea but is there really much to talk about...” Iwaizumi coughed awkwardly. This was an incredibly uncomfortable situation to be in.

“We should tell our parents.” Oikawa said evenly. “I thought about it for a while, and I think we should tell our parents. They love us and it’s not like they couldn’t see this happen at all.” He explained, eyes determined and hopeful. “We can’t be in a relationship while deceiving our parents forever. We have to tell them sometime.”

“Oikawa-- we talked about telling our parents before. You’re the one that said that they’re too conservative to deal with this.” Iwaizumi retorted.

“I’ve been sneaking in some stuff about gay couples the last few months and they didn’t seem to think it was too big of a deal. They didn’t make snide comments or anything like before. They’re changing Iwa-chan.” Oikawa explained. He grabbed onto Iwaizumi’s hands and leaned forward. “I think it’s worth a try.”

“I… fine. We can try.”

* * *

It doesn’t go as well as Oikawa thinks it will.

It doesn’t go well at all.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa both told their parents that they would be coming over next month. Their parents were delighted, and Iwaizumi and Oikawa had talked over countless times how they were going to go over the whole marriage issue.

But they found themselves not sitting next to each other telling their parents about their relationship but sitting across a woman that their parents arranged them to meet.

As if matters couldn’t be worse, Iwaizumi and Oikawa were both only couple tables away.

Iwaizumi sat stiffly, wondering when it would be considered polite to leave this place and just go home. He didn’t want to deal with this anymore and he felt a flare of anger whenever he saw Oikawa smiling at the woman across from him.

Iwaizumi stared at his half eaten plate of pasta. The suit that he was wearing felt like it was choking him and he could barely keep a polite appearance for the woman across him.

He stared at Oikawa from time to time, and was surprised that their eyes never met once. Iwaizumi half expected their eyes to meet and they would plan an escape… or something. But Oikawa didn’t seem to look at him once. Iwaizumi openly frowned.

When the awkward lunch was over, Iwaizumi quickly excused himself and told the woman that it was a pleasure to meet her.

Oikawa soon followed Iwaizumi and both of them walked home in silence. When they got to their respective houses (they were next door neighbors), Iwaizumi took in a large breath and grabbed Oikawa’s arm.

“Today didn’t turn out well but tomorrow we can tell them. It’ll go well. Today happened because we haven’t had the talk yet.” Iwaizumi’s throat felt dry. It was finally really hitting him that they had to do something about this or something like today would happen again.

“Yes Iwa-chan. We’ll tell them tomorrow and it’ll work out perfectly.” Oikawa replied with a smile, but there was something shaky in his smile.

“I’ll work out.” Iwaizumi repeated, but he was no longer sure if he was reassuring Oikawa or if he was reassuring himself.

* * *

They didn’t tell their parents.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa had sat down during dinner, fingers intertwined underneath the table, and Iwaizumi was ready to tell the parents.

“Mom, dad-- Iwaizumi-san… Oikawa and I have something… important to tell you guys.” He had started, face determined but nervous. “Oikawa and I--”

“We are going to start our retirement funds.” Oikawa cut Iwaizumi off. “We were afraid that you might think it’s too early and that we should save up for our marriage funds first, but I talked to my finance major friend and she told me that we really need to start saving from our twenties to have a secure retirement fund.” Oikawa blabbered off, leaving a awe-struck Iwaizumi to comprehend what had just happened.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s parents just laughed at the two and commented that their future wives are going to appreciate a retirement fund once they get older. Oikawa laughed with them. Iwaizumi didn’t.

* * *

They didn’t talk about what happened. They just simply went back to their home, unpacked, and Oikawa took the couch.

The next day when Iwaizumi opened his eyes, Oikawa was already gone. Iwaizumi’s face remained blank but his stomach tightened. Something felt very, very wrong.

Iwaizumi didn’t see Oikawa for the next week.

* * *

“Alright Trashykawa. I’m sick and tired of this. Why the fuck are you avoiding me and what makes you think that this is ok. If you’re running away, I’m not letting you so sit down because we’re going to have a talk.” Iwaizumi growled. He’d finally caught Oikawa after he got back from work. Probably work. It was 2am and he wasn’t sure if Oikawa’s workplace was even open at this time but he wanted to believe that Oikawa was only at work.

Oikawa took a deep breath, and stared at Iwaizumi.

“Iwa-chan, if you love me, let me go.”

For once, Iwaizumi could not read Oikawa’s face.

Iwaizumi sucked in his breath and gritted his teeth. “Oikawa I don’t understand. What the hell are you talking about. Stop joking because this isn’t funny. I’m the one that’s mad here. You avoided me for a week and this is what you tell me?” He yelled at Oikawa, and felt panic slowly rising in his chest. The words were knives that were leaving scars on Iwaizumi.

“I’m afraid of falling apart.” Oikawa whispered and looked away. “I don’t think I could have ever been yours.”

“I’m not going to just give you up like this. Fuck this. I’m going to fight you and I will win.” Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa’s arms and started to shake him.

“Let me go Hajime. If you love me, let me go.” Oikawa pushed Iwaizumi away gently.

Iwaizumi didn’t notice the tears that were falling from his eyes. “But why. Tooru we were talking about the future. We were talking about telling our parents. Why.” Iwaizumi fell onto his knees, still holding onto Oikawa.

“You look better with a woman. I’m sorry I ever started this. Our parents are never going to accept us and the blind date really woke me up. You looked better with a woman and I’m afraid to get hurt. I’m afraid of falling apart. I was blind to think that this could work. This relationship is ruining me and I can’t do this anymore.” Oikawa pushed Iwaizumi harder.

Iwaizumi couldn’t let Oikawa go. “You said they would understand. We haven’t told them yet.”

“If they don’t accept us, we’ll tear our families apart. And it’s not like we can get married anyway. I was too hopeful. But now I’m awake. We have no future Hajime. We’re better as friends and we should have never been more than friends. This is my last request as your ex-lover. If you love me, let me go.”

Iwaizumi let him go.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello this is HootHoot (훗훗)! I feel like I'm going to be that one author that writes only angst and it's actually not intentional.  
> I'm sorry I couldn't keep my fluff promise. I'm an angsty 10 years old.  
> All comments and kudos are appreciated! Thank you so much in advance<3


End file.
